All Inclusive, Moose On The Front, Going Viral….. What The?

“Congratulations!” the email read. “You have won an all-inclusive holiday for one. Come and be waited on hand and foot by grass skirted handmaidens.”

Having never ever won anything before, dear reader, you can appreciate how instantly tempting it was to take up the offer of a cost free holiday for almost the entire month of November. But mindful of the fact that I am a weekend correspondent with an official readership of two (Mrs Crowther snr and Sarc Queen Nancy), I couldn’t simply abandon my responsibilities.

So I said to Governor Palin, I said, "Look Governor, I’m in a fix here. Is there any way you can help me out in November? I have this promise of an all inclusive free holiday, but there are a couple of people over at C4P relying on me.

I know, Governor, that you’ve got a bit of time on your hands since you stepped down, maybe you could do something to keep my readers occupied when I’m away?

I dunno, erm, bring the book launch forward, line up a couple of interviews, throw in a few signings to keep people happy. It may not compensate for the fact that I won’t be around, but anything you can do to help my mom and Nancy cope would be appreciated."

“I’ll see what I can do, Rich,” she said.

And there I was, all Hawaiian shirts, shorts, shades and suitcase, when the fateful, last minute call came from C4P Central:

Drop the holiday! Bus driver needed urgently!!!

“You’re asking me to give up a free holiday with the grass skirted handmaidens of The Blue Oasis (yeah, I shuddered at that bit too) to drive a bus for a month? Well I’m not doing it unless it’s bright blue, has a picture of Governor Palin on both sides, and a moose on the front... Oh yeah, and I'd like to be the first C4P contributor to get an interview.”

And so the deal was struck.

Hey darling, when you’ve made it happen, set your motor running and got out on that highway, looking for adventure, like a true Nature's child, born to be wild at the wheel of the Going Rogue Express, there’s plenty of time to contemplate life’s bigger questions in order to prepare for the interview of your life. Like,

1) Now Governor Palin, just five months into the age of Quitting Irrelevance, just what does the expression “irrelevant quitter” really mean to you?

2) Did you ever buy a falafel from Andree McCleod?

3) As a highly successful, hugely popular, happily married, extremely attractive and now independently wealthy woman, why do you think that Linda Kellen Biegel dislikes you so much?

4) If you’d remained in office, whom would you have chosen as the State of Alaska cleavage czar?

5) Have you ever felt the need to take photographs of Shannyn Moore’s legs?

6) When did you first meet Bigfoot?

7) Do you count yourself as one of the 9% of people who found Andrew Halcro’s debut as a sit-down comedian funny?

Certain that you’ll let me know what else needs to be asked, all that remains is for me to thank Governor Palin for including me in the list of those she has acknowledged by their christian name in her book, and to also thank her for spending Thanksgiving in my hometown.

I’ll leave you with this thought, if your copy of the book hasn’t arrived and you find yourself sitting at home gazing anxiously from your window each day, sad, lonely, desperate... or standing there crooning soulfully,

“Wait, oh yes, wait a minute Mr Postman, waaaaait Mr Postman. Please Mr Postman look and see, if there’s a package in your bag for me, why’s it taking such a long time for me to hear from that gal of mine”

... you really do need to get out more!



Thankfully, reader, the masterful Doug Brady has already provided you with a round-up of such excellence this week that no amount of Sunday morning skinny white chocolate mocha should even attempt to compete.

And finally,please spare a thought for the ailing Aged P, struck down with “man-flu”. As any male reader will attest, in Going Viral in that way we men suffer terribly (sniff, sniff).