Satire: Palin’s Approval Numbers Now Officially Sub-Zero

Sheya warned us about the demoralization tactics of Palin foes. We had no idea how far they’d actually go. I whipped up a little demonstration. Heh.

Warning: Satire ahead!

Mission Accomplished: Palin’s Approval Numbers Fall Again
By Associated Progressives

With the nation gripped in a global-warming-deep freeze, former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin’s approval numbers have chilled to new lows. A new poll shows her support at negative five percent nationally.

In layman’s terms, this means even imaginary people oppose her.

Not surprisingly, Palin supporters immediately questioned the poll’s methodology. “Honestly? It’s mathematically impossible for a poll result to come in at less than zero,” wrote Techno, a numbers whiz for the popular Palin fan site, Conservatives4Palin. “The lowest possible result for an approval poll would be zero. Zero approval. And even that would be statistically improbable with a random sample. I don’t see how they get to minus-five. It’s fishy to say the least.”

In response to the skepticism, pollster Lila Wills pointed out that Palin is the once-in-a-generation politician who is polarizing to a degree not seen in the natural mathematical world. “We don’t have models to contain her degree of polarity,” she explained.

Wills, of the Associated Pollsters, collaborated with CNN and the Washington/Huffington Post for this intense series of hypothetical phone interviews, the results of which were quickly disseminated internationally.

Wills explains that the phone interviews took place over the NFL’s Championship weekend during the 4th quarter of the exciting and competitive games. Pollsters asked several dozen random Obama voters if they knew anyone who liked Palin, especially given that she “uses uncivil acronyms, and opposes solar shingles.”

“A compelling plurality (105%) of respondents, said, ‘No, of course, not. What’s an acronym?’” Wills said.

The overwhelmingly negative response was then run through a college student’s iPad for further data crunching to arrive at the negative-five approval. This represents Palin’s lowest approval to date, but is quite likely nowhere near as low as she’ll wind up if elected president, the pollster concluded.

“We think Palin’s base support level may be around 30 below if she wins the presidency,” Wills added.

A Palin spokesperson said Palin generally ignores polls that rely on hypotheticals and oversampling of the ill-informed. “Anyone who doesn’t know what an acronym is probably has larger problems in their life than Sarah Palin running for president,” the spokesperson said, on condition of anonymity, which means she doesn’t want her name used, even just the first letter of each word.

There likely will be more “sub-zero” polls around the corner. We can let them shake us, or we can simply ignore them and work hard to change perceptions. We have many examples in history where the polls were wrong …

Kerry led Bush by around eight points heading into the 2004 election.
Carter led Reagan by around 25 points before the campaign took off.
And most recently, Hillary led Obama by 30 points before Iowa.

Things can change, and change quickly.

Until then, I’m just gonna chill about the polls. 🙂

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I'm a mother of three, and devoted Palin blogger.

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