10. Watching Parker Spitzer re-runs in a motel room full of Fleebaggers.
9. Reading all 500 pages of the Bailey manuscript: “Blind Allegiance to Sarah Palin: Beyond Falafels”
8. Purchasing a DVD of HBO’s By The People: The Election Of Barack Obama, sitting down with a box of Kleenex, a bag of Nutter Butters, and reliving the glory days.
7. “Boning up” on “Indian” words and curry tolerance to locate and interview Hindu Palin haters in New Dehli next month.
6. Tracking down “dozens” of Palin-hatin’ conservative Republican activists in Iowa, New Hampshire and South Carolina, where Palin-endorsed candidates won handily.
5. Speculating she’ll easily capture the GOP nomination because of the extreme racist libertarian movement and violent mother bear element.
4. Speculating she won’t run because she doesn’t want to be the first woman to completely embarrass herself by winning a major party nomination.
3. Predicting her likely double-digit loss to Obama in all 57 states.
2. Comparing Palin to Gaddafi, a third-world Muslim dictator with an uncanny resemblance to Jack Sparrow’s dad.
1. Strenuously avoiding asking any of the other GOP candidates why none of them are man enough to announce first … since Palin.Obviously.Can’t.Win.