In Defense of Research-Free Reporting (Update: Cease Fire Declared)

Despite being outed as Edgy Conservative, the source of a possibly dubious Hollywood movie rumor, and despite being publicly chastized by a so-called friend, I can still post on C4P.

Yes, Sheya, thanks to a worm hole I found in your elaborate HTML code.

Sometimes sophisticated enterprises are toppled by the weak and the simple, right? Well, you can’t stop me from posting here. That Tea Party Summit cancellation was the last bendy straw. You are gonna have to pry C4P’s admin log-in page from my cold, dead fingers.

Even mainstream conservative “Ian Lazaran” concedes the blog is pretty much stuck with me now that I’ve unwittingly discovered the top-secret post-freezing technique.

And speaking of posting, I took great umbrage at the accusation that I was “copying” what the lamestream media does by running with a late-night Palin rumor. That is so typical of how I am always underappreciated at C4P, and lumped in with the likes of the unimaginative Andy Barr. I was doing what I do best: research-free reporting. It’s what I studied in liberal journalism school all those years ago, and feel relieved to finally be able to employ in an upbeat conservative cause. I thought I had found a comfortable home here with blog that treated us all to Rich Crowther’s groundbreaking Skinny White Sundays.

I’m sure Rich would back me up on this, but I have always believed that research has a chilling effect on the communication process. Had I been forced to actually research anything, I may never have been able to break the following news stories in the last twelve months:

Tina Fey Wins Nobel Peace Prize

Post Office Now Offering Appendectomies

Tensions Emerge in Overcrowded Palinville

Tolerant Liberal Elites Commemorate Tea Bagger Slur Anniversary

Obama Repeals Pledge to Unite Country

Voters Rescind 2008 Election Results

Liberal Weenies Cry Uncle, Ask for Their Mommies

I should be looking at a Pulitzer Prize for my work like failed talkshow host Kathleen Parker. Instead, what do I get? I get my posts unceremoniously yanked and mocked by colleagues who prefer to publish actual facts. Well, excuse me! We can’t all be researching geniuses like Whitney Pitcher and Stacy Drake, now can we? And, sorry I don’t have Kelsey’s technological “brilliance.” Not everyone understands something as complicated as economics like Doug Brady. But I’m undaunted. Even now, I’m in the process of not researching a couple of huge foreign policy news items for C4P:

Resourceful Obama To Send in Pal, Bill Ayers, to Blow Up Tripoli

Rolling Stones Offer to Take Ghaddafi as a Backup Drummer

Sheya thinks just because he got Fox News to cave in to his video racket, he can intimidate me. It’s not gonna happen. I have a photo of him shaking hands with the Governor that he does not want released to the public. Don’t make me reveal your secret identity, Sheya.

Meanwhile, I’ll adhere to my longstanding reporting mantra: If it’s not true, it should be.

Even Techno speculates that Ordinary Barbarians could be a huge box-office smash if 50% of people between the ages of 12-64 purchase a ticket. As he sees it, we’re in the “catbird balcony seat.” Heck, I think Ordinary Barbarians could have cross-over appeal with family-values-action-film-fans in the Latino and African American communities. Gabrielle Union could play Adrienne Ross. True, Southerners and seniors would be a natural audience. Bean Counter has lined up the ageless wonder Betty White to play her. Canadians, as well, might be interested in what their neighbors are up to. Kiefer Sutherland has agreed to play Patrick in Ohio. KC Nut has Jason Bateman or someone like him. Pool Dog is contacting Tim Conway, since Don Knotts was unavailably deceased. Roguer2 is approaching Patricia Heaton. People are getting truly excited about this non-existent project in ways I could not have imagined.

I say, why let perfectly good rumors go to waste?

I don’t care what anyone says.

I’ll be sitting by the phone, drinking Diet Coke through a flexible straw, listening to Alanis Morrisette with my corsage on, and awaiting my call from Mr. Stallone.

And you can’t stop me.

Update: I decided to do some breathing exercises and meditation, and I’ve forgiven Sheya, completely. He has agreed to let me do my thing, in exchange for not releasing said photos. I also have one of the two of us at a Palin event together. Life is too short for Palin supporters to become involved in a “squirmish” … Let’s give peace a chance.

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I'm a mother of three, and devoted Palin blogger.

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