Obama’s next important policy initiative: Reducing cow flatulence

On a slow news Saturday, this story caught my eye. Via the Daily Caller:

As part of its plan to reduce U.S. greenhouse gas emissions, the Obama  administration is targeting the dairy industry to reduce methane emissions in their operations.

This comes despite falling methane emission levels across the economy since  1990.

The White House has proposed cutting methane  emissions from the dairy industry by 25 percent by 2020. Although U.S.  agriculture only accounts for about 9  percent of the country’s greenhouse gas emissions, according to the  Environmental Protection Agency, it makes up a sizeable portion of methane  emissions — which is a very potent greenhouse gas.

Some of these methane emissions come from cow flatulence, exhaling and  belching — other livestock animals release methane as well.

This raises a number of questions. Here are a few in no particular order. Will an army of EPA types descend upon the nation’s dairy farms with some kind of new age equipment to test each individual cow in order to single out the biggest offenders? Will the results be based on tonality, volume, odor, or some combination thereof? What, then, will they do with the miscreant cows? Will they be summarily executed? Will they be forced to adopt a low-fiber diet? Tofu, perhaps? Will the government require the implantation of some kind of special “equipment” in the … er … appropriate orifice of the culpable cows akin to the scrubbers the EPA requires in smokestacks? Will Obama develop some kind of anti-gas product for livestock? Should I invest in Beano? Or will the government attempt to capture and recycle this methane as they did on Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome? Will Obama’s crusade against flatulating cows eventually be extended to humans? (My wife would probably be on board with this.) If so, should I short Taco Bell and Chipotle stock? What will happen to the methaneous Al Gore? Will Obama pursue a “flatulence tax”?

So many questions…

Update: (h/t fb274) This guy better watch his step.

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